It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted, and boy has it been a journey since then. It has been about a year and a half since I’ve been active, and not that I need an excuse, but man do I have one.
As a few people reading this know, on October 4, 2020 I lost my best friend, and my soulmate, Colin.
Colin passed away as a result of suicide.
He knew how passionate I was about starting my blog up again, he paid for my last yearly subscription and kicked my butt into gear. He was so supportive of anything and everything that I wanted to do, so here we are.
I’ve had constant whispers in my ear to start writing again. I was told by a medium just over a year ago that I would write a book at some point in my lifetime. Since, I have drafted up outlines of chapters and their orders, and how I wanted to put a potential book together. However right now, that thought seems overwhelming and intense. I figured I would start back blogging first and see how well this outlet works for now.
So, now that I’ve dropped a huge piece of information and casually changed the subject, let’s go back to the topic of death. Yes, Colin took his own life. Over time, what I want for this platform to be is a recollection and continued documentation of my grief and spirituality journey since I lost my partner. Answering questions and telling my story, as well as Colin’s story, in the best way possible. Colin always said that I was the most selfless, caring person he had ever met. I always brushed it off as him being sweet, mostly because I am terrible at accepting any form of compliment. I came to realize this to be more true within the couple of weeks after he passed. My first reaction and instinct was to tell his story to help others. I have a tiny platform of people I’ve met throughout my life, who I’ve told my story to. However, what Colin and I had gone through, collectively and separately, was and continues to be so specific, that expanding my audience I feel is the only true way that I can help anyone.
During the initial traumas associated with grief, and death, and the loss of my partner, I was also pregnant and continuing to take care of my health, not only for me but for the baby I was growing. This was single handedly the most difficult thing I have dealt with to this day. In going through this time, one of the main things I was constantly seeking was support. Someone, anyone, who actually understood what I was going through.
I had my grandmother who lost her husband, my grandfather. Having her to talk to was so helpful, but it was different. I had my friends and family, who were thankfully so supportive, but it was still different. I found widow support groups, through social media, or different organizations. Most widows tend to be older, or had been married for 20+ years, and it’s still different.
I had one Facebook group filled with women who lost their partner to suicide. I could read stories of people who had been through almost the same situation as me. Many had been pregnant, many already had children, many were married, many had not gotten the chance. I got to see that I wasn’t alone.
This was life changing for me, I had felt so stuck, empty and alone for so long . All I want, is to be able to make someone else not feel so alone.
With that being said, of course all grief is different. No matter what, no two people will have the exact same story, or the exact same feelings/reactions to it.
I just hope with this outlet, I can make even one persons journey, a little bit easier.
Please leave any questions, or anything you want to hear my perspective on in the comments.
Love and appreciate you all♥